From the Pastor

Talking About Hospitality
​and Same-Sex Marriage

​Dear sisters and brothers in Christ,

Over the past few weeks we have conducted three community conversations that have looked at how we welcome gay and lesbian people into the life of this congregation, touching on questions about this church and same-sex marriage. 

When we (council and pastor) decided to convene these sessions, we did so in the hope of answering this question: Might a same-sex couple, or a family with same-sex parents, be welcomed and accepted as full and valued members of this community, as our church (ELCA) has directed and affirmed on three separate occasions? We had our hunches and our guesses about who we thought we were, but we thought that some questions needed to be asked, the responses of the whole congregation had to be heard, and a process for discussing difficult issues needed to be established. We needed to give some space to talk with each other about this question (and others as they arise) and its implications for our life together as a community of Jesus’ disciples.

In these meetings (Sept. 19; Sept 27; Sept. 30), we considered and shared our thoughts and feelings at various stages of a greeting and welcoming scenario where a same-sex couple comes to worship as guests, looking for a church home. These small group discussions opened a space for people to share a diversity of impressions, feelings, thoughts, hopes and even struggles.

These conversations also generated a number of questions about life, faith, church, culture, authority and change, as well as the desire to study, learn and explore more. Thank you to all who participated in these discussions. It can be unnerving and scary to share what how you feel and what you think with a group, but because each member of this body is important we need to remain open to each other, willing to both give and receive, to speak and to listen with grace and love. Thank you for your willingness to engage this process and your openness to each other.

Here are some of the impressions I had after leading these three discussions, and some next steps we will take to engage in this process of community conversation, to open ourselves to hear God’s voice and witness to God’s transforming work among us, and to address some of the deep feelings these conversations may bring to the surface.

• In general, the people of St. Paul’s are warm, welcoming, open and accepting of all people. We know how to introduce ourselves to visitors, how to show hospitality to strangers, and how make people feel at home regardless of their age, race, national origin, sexual orientation, mental or physical ability, appearance, or economic class. In principal, we truly feel all are welcome.
• The meetings were not well attended given the goals for the conversation. We had hoped to engage most of our active worshipers in this conversation. We did not engage the majority of our active worshipers.
• There was a feeling that the wording of the invite to these meetings didn’t clearly communicate the process or discussion. Most people didn’t know what we were talking about until they got there. That may have kept some people away.
• When the question same-sex marriage was presented, we were not “all of one mind.” While a majority of participants expressed similar viewpoints, thought processes and even shared how they have engage these questions in an ongoing way for years, there were some who expressed different feelings, thoughts and viewpoints. A good number of us expressed the desire for more guidance from a number of sources — Scripture, Pastor, ELCA and NJ Synod; and other sources that talk about the church’s role and ministry at marriage; relations between church and state when it comes to marriage; Lutheran teaching on marriage in general. There was talk among us at council that this maybe a “non-issue” at this point in time. While this is the case for some, for others this is very much an important issue, well worth the time we will take with it.

So, where do we go now?

• The church council will take up that very question when it meets on Monday, Oct. 5.
• I am always available for an office visit, a home visit to discuss any issue that you may be struggling with and to help you work through your questions.
• I have scheduled an Ask the Pastor night for Oct. 8, 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. where I will be available to answer any questions people might have for me
• Wednesday night Bible Study, Oct. 21, will use study materials from the ELCA’s Journey Together Faithfully: The Church and Homosexuality study materials.
• Wednesday night Community Conversation on Oct. 28, will look at the discuss the church’s ministry around marriage, including implications for same-sex marriage
• As we reflect on this process, we hope to formulate a pastoral community ministry statement that puts into writing some of the things we have learned along the way, but it’s too early now to guess what that might look like.

There’s a proverb that reminds us that we make a trail by walking it. We are doing certainly making a trail for the future of St. Paul’s, but that has nothing to do with the questions around same-sex marriage. By taking time as a community to engage in thoughtful and honest discussion, to seek wisdom and guidance from God in God’s word, to care for each other enough to respect and honor each other’s faith, gifts and experiences, and to realize that Holy Spirit is doing its work in us and among us … we are creating a community that bears witness to transformative power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, in whom we all have received our salvation by grace through faith. This is Christ’s church. We are all members of the same body. Join the conversation, and see what God will do for you.

Your Pastor and Brother,

Rev. James R. Krombholz